Phoenix Rising
by Jestry
Summary: Sure knives tear people apart. So can any other weapon. The special thing about knives is that if you're careful, they can also mend people back together. MaixZuko.
1. Prologue

_Knives are fundamentally destructive. I can't argue with that._

_But what most people don't recognize is that knives are benign weapons, if there can be such a thing._

_Unlike the swords that rend, the clubs that crush, and the bombs that burst, a knife can heal. A knife can cut away the ragged edges of disease, purging sickness from a limb. A knife's thin edge can dig a splinter from a finger, or a shard from flesh. _

_Unlike other weapons, knives do not exist solely to destroy.  
_


	2. Back Then

The waves lapped at the edge of the shore, and a large iron ship bobbed unsteadily in the distance. Under the luminescence of moonlight, the mysterious white bandages on Zuko's face shone brighter than ever. As intrigued as I was by all this though, I couldn't help wishing I were back in my cozy bed. I exaggerated a yawn.

"I'm going away," Zuko revealed, after a suspenseful moment. "I disgraced Father at a war meeting, so he challenged me to an angi kai. I lost, I disgraced everyone, and now I'm banished."

At least he had the grace to look ashamed of himself.

"Wow, that wasn't too smart." I remarked sarcastically.

"Yeah… well, I thought you'd say that. I just wanted to tell you anyway." Zuko fingered the fringe of his bandage, refusing to meet my gaze. "I thought you might want a heads up when I mysteriously disappear tomorrow."

My head shot up, all lethargy instantly forgotten.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yes, tomorrow." He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Even Azula doesn't know. It's like Father wants to smuggle me out as soon as he can, as if he wants to pretend I don't exist anymore."

I could feel the bitterness seeping through his devil-may-care-attitude. I coul feel his doubts and uncertainties. Zuko was never good at hiding his emotions like I was.

"Forever?" I asked disbelievingly. Even the ruthless firelord Ozai couldn't possible be _this_ cruel to his own son.

"No." A hint of optimism found its way back to Zuko's dark eyes. "All I have to do is find and capture the Avatar, and Father will welcome me back with open arms. Easy as roast duck right?"

_Easy as roast duck_. I snorted rather brutishly. Mother would have thrown a fit if she heard me. "Right Zuko. Of course."  
He didn't say anything. There were no snide remarks or cocky proclamations. Despite everything, he was worried. His face glows pale and ethereal under the incandescence of moonlight. The harsh shadows draw sharp planes and angles on his smooth face, turning my fun-loving playmate into an alien creature far older than his twelve years.

The sullen Zuko frightened me. I had always prided myself on my blunt honesty, but the shadows across his chin exacerbated the quiver of his lip that was trying so hard to hide. Something in my chest twisted.

"It's okay. Easy as roast duck right?" I nudged him roughly. I felt so cloyingly fake on the inside. Mother would have been proud of me.

I feel his resigned shrug through the silken cloth of my robe. As always, I could never find the words to express myself.

"You'll catch the Avatar. I know you can."

It was the first time I've remember lying. Ever. Zuko didn't seem to realize the implications of my words. The enormity of the weight they carried. I couldn't help but resent how effortlessly he shrugged away my efforts just like he shrugs away everything else. He didn't know how hard I tried. It was my fault though; my fault my best was never good enough.

"Uncle Iroh will help me though." He stared out at the brightening horizon. "He's the only one who believes in me, the only one who really cares."

_That's not true._ I wanted to protest. _I care too. Somehow, somewhere, deep inside, I swear I do._

Zuko couldn't possible know that I cared though. He couldn't possibly know that I've been intrigued by him since the day I saw him heal the wounded turtleduck by the lack. He couldn't possibly know that I feigned clumsiness when he fell on me to spare his dignity in front of his spiteful sister. He couldn't possibly know that I had harbored a secret crush for him for as long as I could remember. I was just his only real friend, nothing more, nothing less.

Sea breeze blew at our back as we stare out together into the boundless ocean. The iron ship, which has more rooms than my house, floats like a speck of dust upon the frothing waves. We watched and watched until the dark indigo of the ocean brightened with the pinpoints of reflected stars. And we watched until the low rumble of the ship called Zuko what I feared would be his inevitable doom.

"I'll miss you Mai." The soft cloak of his robes enveloped me like a comforting blanket. Vaguely, I remembered Mother saying that it was absolutely forbidden to touch a boy this way. It was a good thing she wasn't there.

I hugged him back, clutched at the only thing that had ever been fresh and exciting, and thought of all the times that he had made me laugh. His breath was soft on my cheek, teasing my hair like a phantom breeze. There were a million things I wanted to say, but couldn't articulate.

"I'll miss you too."

"You should come with me Mai. I bet you could pin the Avatar with your knives." He suggested hopefully. My heart, thudding at twice its normal speed, sped up even more. It was a wonder Zuko wasn't shaking with its vibrations.

"I'm not good enough yet. I'll only drag you down."

It was true, but even as I said the words, part of me hoped that he would disregard my protests and drag me along anyway.

"Then practice for me until I come back. Then we can help Father conquer the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes. And he'll be so sorry he ever let me go."

His warmth spread over me, thawing the cold icicles that Mother had frozen in my heart. _Practice… for me._

"Okay." I whispered, as the ship's horn called again. I wasn't sure he ever heard me as he ripped away from my grasp, and sprinted down the hill towards the distant ship. It didn't matter. I would practice anyway. For him.

* * *

The next morning found me throwing knives as if my life depended on it. And perhaps it did, for I developed this strange stomachache that lasted several weeks after Zuko's departure that only really went away when I was throwing knives.

I wasn't sure if I could like Zuko for what he had done to me. I wasn't sure if I could hate him either. I was retreating deeper and deeper into myself as the days passed, and my emotions ran amok and I struggled to hide them. The knives gave me precision and confidence when everything was uncertain. I wasn't sure if anything, except that I really really liked throwing knives.


	3. This Is Now

Life was hell without Zuko.

It was weak, I know. It was pathetic that the only thing that had given me happiness, the only highlight of my dismal days, had been a scrawny little kid who couldn't even beat his own sister at fire bending. I knew it wasn't becoming to pine over someone who had sunken lower than the scum of the earth. I tried so hard to forget. But I couldn't.

I hated the feeling of dependency. I guess it wasn't Zuko's fault that he had been the most interesting person I had met. I guess it wasn't his fault that he had to leave. Sure I liked him – had possibly loved him – in the childish way that children love their pets and candy. Sure, I could reserve a portion of my heart for him (there was no one else to give it to anyway)… but I hated him too.

I hated him because, even after so many years had passed, I was still in hung up over a childhood crush. I hated the way each spring, a new batch of turtleducklings would crowd into the ponds of the royal palace, and bring a certain person to mind. I hated the way I thought of him, missed him, and knew that he wasn't thinking of me. I hated the way he could torture me, unknowingly, even when he wasn't there.

And the years passed, creeping over the dusty trail of time, both too fast yet too slow. I was caught in a thick syrup of limbo, my time split evenly between resisting Father's marriage proposals, learning and refining Mother's ever-changing etiquette rules. When I could though, I'd sneak out and throw knives in the courtyard behind our house, where no one could see me. There, I'd launch blade after blade at the scarred trunks, cutting them as viciously as Zuko had cut me.

I was stuck in a limbo, bored out of my skull with the life I led, but unwilling bring about the change I wished by accepting any the numerous marriage proposals flung my way by the ambitious social-climbers who wished to win Lord Ozai's favor. I didn't want to acknowledge it, but somewhere deep down inside I was still hoping that Zuko would come back. I was saving myself for something that had sailed away and would never come back. I was saving myself for a wisp of the past, something that most likely wasn't there anymore.

Life went on, and I floated, ghostlike, through the translucent rooms of time. It was during these times that I started to question if I really existed. Or if I ever had.

* * *

Relief comes in the form of a trio of rebels who will supposedly end life as we know it. They infiltrate the fortress, bringing a strange new disease that quickly spreads among all the commoners. They rally up the Resistance, and in the midst of all the "terror" and "chaos" (read: petty squabbles that aren't actually threatening), a whiff of fresh air permeates the dusty uniformity.

"Get them!" Father orders, and I find myself running ahead of all the other Fire Nation Troops, bounding after the rebels and tearing my silken robes like there's no tomorrow. It feels so good have a destination and a goal again.

I don't notice that I've overstepped the bounds of social propriety until all my knives are gone, and the gang has disappeared into the dungeons through a crafty passageway. The grin that I didn't realize had formed slips from my lips as Mother comes dashing after me, and seizes me as roughly as she can by the sleeve.

"Mai!" She chastises angrily in front of all the Fire Nation troops. "What in the name of Fire was that?"

I yank my sleeve back from her grasp. "I was only trying to help."

"I refuse to tolerate this type of behavior." Father strides up to us, dismissing the watching soldiers with a wave of his sleeve. "You are the daughter of a governor, and you should know your place."

_Are you stupid? Do you want to defend this fortress or not? Can't you see I'm the only one who actually has a chance at helping you rid this place of those invaders?_

The angry questions bury themselves inside my throat, withering fiercely as some mysterious force pushes them down into oblivion. Inwardly rolling my eyes, I bend my knees in a mocking bow and fold my clenched hands within the flowing robes.

"It won't happen again. I'm sorry."

I walk away before I can see their triumphant twin grins. I don't want to see their happiness. They shouldn't be proud of a daughter who secretly hates their guts.

I'm still seething inside when my old friends Azula and Ty Lee arrive unexpectedly. Princess Azula strides towards me, shadowed lightly by the acrobatic Ty Lee, and though I've never really held much affection for either of them before, they are a welcome sight for my sore eyes.

Azula approaches me, and because Mother is watching me carefully, I bow low and deep.

"Please tell me you're here to kill me. " I whisper despondently as she nears.

Azula guffaws loudly, harshly, in a way that I know Mother never would. I chuckle at her reaction, and though I've never forgiven her for the way she's treated Zuko, suddenly I find her obnoxiously blatant disregard of everything endearingly appealing.

She hugs me. "It's great to see you Mai."

I hug her back. _You have no idea how happy I am to see you_.

Ty Lee launches herself at me the moment Azula steps back.

"I thought you had joined the circus." I blink as I hug her back. "You said it was your calling."

The pink-clad girl shrugs nonchalantly. "Well. Azula called a little louder."

"I have a mission" Azula declares, leaning forward and slipping an arm around my shoulder and another around Ty Lee's. It's like the world has shrunk to the three of us again. "And I need both of you."

"Count me in." I agree immediately. "Anything to get me out of this place."

Azula nods in satisfaction, and Ty Lee grins at me. They both embrace me again, and I can't say I've ever hugged them so hard back before. Over their shoulders, I see Mother's disapproving glare, and Father's carefully repressed anger.

"But Mai…" Father's voice's voice trails off as Azula suddenly whirls on him like a thunderstorm.

Father quells beneath her glare, like a small child that waiting to be reprimanded. He genuflects as if Azula is some sort of god (which perhaps isn't too far from the truth), and positively quivers on the floor. Mother clutches the banister with bloodless knuckles, looking not far from death. I turn to hide the smirk that creeps up from my lips, though I know it is wrong.

"I-I ap-pologize." Father finally stutters. "You've come to Omashu at a difficult time. At noon we're making a trade with the resistance to get Tom-Tom back."

"Yes, I'm so sorry to hear about your son," Azula spits. "But really, what did you expect by just letting all the citizens leave?"

Azula leans over Father, eyeing him as like a tiger eyes a wounded bird.

"My father has trusted you with this city and you're making a mess of things!"

"Forgive me. Princess." Father screws his eyes tightly, waiting for the end.

My smirk slips at wretchedness of Father's state. A person without dignity, without pride, is nothing. It's like Azula is a demonic fire, and anyone who crosses her is reduced to a few ashy crumbs. It's a fate I don't wish on anyone. Not even my parents. But the threshold has been crossed, and there's no going back.

"You stay here." Azula snarls at the broken Father. "Mai will handle the hostage trade so you don't have a chance to mess it up.

She strides away, her robes swishing on the grimy floor. Ty lee follows her - a flash of pink in the corner of my eye - leaving me with Father and Mother's blank shell-shocked stares. It's look looking at dead people. Their eyes are glassy, devoid of any feeling. I want them to yell at me, scream at me, pretend to smile… anything. Anything but this. Instead they stare right through me like I've been disowned, and I don't exist. My stomach twists, even as I try to convince myself that I don't care.

"And there is no more "Omashu". I'm renaming it in honor of my father, the City of New Ozai." Azula's voice floats down the dingy hall, echoing on the stone walls.

Her voice breaks the spell, and I wrench myself away from the dismal scene, scampering after the other two as I try to shake off the gloomy cloud that hangs over me. We reach a platform facing the three rebels and I struggle to remember what this trade was about. Oh right, Tom-Tom for the Omashu's King Bumi.

"You have my brother?" I yell across the clearing.

"He's here." A young boy garbed in yellow and red nods at Tom-Tom. "We're ready to trade."

I look across at the chubby-faced toddler, and I hesitate. I realize what I'm doing here; by trading him back I'm just dooming him to a life that I know all too well. Would my brother really be better off back in Omashu? What if… what if I left him to the resistance's clutches?

"I'm sorry, but a thought just occurred to me." Azula interrupts my thoughts. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not, Princess Azula" I respond automatically.

"We're trading a two year old for a kin for a powerful, earthbending king?" Her eyebrows arch up incredulously. "That doesn't seem like a fair trade does it?"

Tom-Tom coos happily up at a water tribe girl, who smiles fondly back at him. Nestled in the arms of the water tribe boy, he looks perfectly contented. I'm almost jealous.

"You're right." I tell Azula. "The deal's off."

With a flick of her wrists, Azula dismisses the grizzled king, who is hauled away.

"Bumi." The resistance leader's eyes widen. And he leaps into the air, vaulting against gravity on a strange stick that expands into a glider. It's like he can airbend. I stare at this strange acrobatic show until the wind from the boy's flight blows off his cap, and I see the blue tattooed arrow, clear as day, on his smooth forehead.

"The Avatar!" Azula exclaims. Her words snap us into action. I reach into my sleeves, feeling the cool metal blades of my knives between my fingers. Azula takes off after the Avatar, and her actions are unmistakable. Ty Lee and I are to tackle the two water tribe lackeys.

Adrenaline makes the air sharper, the colors brighter, and life more exciting. I throw knives. She dodges. He throws a boomerang. I dodge. She freezes me. Ty Lee melts her. Weapons, water, and punches fly through the air like a deadly kaleidoscope. I'm like the wind, breathing, blowing, dancing, dodging, and Ty Lee is by my side as we slip the comfortable routine of team work. Our refreshing dance is cut abruptly short when a gigantic bison crashes through the wooden platform and gracefully ferries our opponents away.

They soar away, white and blue against the blue and white sky. Feeling foiled, I slide my knives back into my sleeves.

"That was fun wasn't it?" Ty Lee lands lightly beside me, her twin braids flopping.

I nod, and for the first time in ages, allow myself a genuine smile.

* * *

We depart that night, each step taking me away from my old life, towards freedom. I didn't participate on this mission so much for Azula as for myself. As we chase the setting sun I realize I don't really know what Azula herself is after on this mission. Whatever it is, Ty Lee was probably just volunteered to help. The girl was always too eager to please for her own good. Whatever Azula asked, she did.

"So, we're tracking down your brother and Uncle, huh?" I ask. It's the only logical explanation to why Azula is suddenly trekking across the world with us in tow.

Ty Lee nudges me playfully.

"It'll be interesting seeing Zuko again, won't it, Mai?" She whispers teasingly.

I'm glad it's dark, for in the near twilight, no one can see how my face burns at Ty Lee's comment.

"It's not just Zuko and Iroh anymore." Azula answers the question that I've almost forgotten I asked. "We have a third target now."

_The Avatar._

We continue through the night in silence, partly because it's not prudent to make too much noise, and partly because we are too drained from the day's adventures. I drift in my own musings as we walk into the darkening night, and realize that it's been much too long since I've had the liberty to _think_.

I think about the Avatar. Though I would pin him for Azula's sake without hesitation, I can't shake the image of the soaring boy out of my head. There's something about him that so strikingly reminiscent of freedom. They remind me of the ancient carefree days in the palace, of knives flying free in the sky, of this very unrestrained adventure into the unknown. Perhaps when we _do_ catch him (because Azula always gets what she wants) I'll thank him for breaking me out of. I'll thank those water tribe kids for taking better care of my brother than my parents ever knew how to. And I'll thank him for saving me from the gloomy depths of Omashu… New Ozai… whatever. I'll thank him for freeing me.

I think about Ty Lee and Azula. I think about how familiar they are, and yet how strange they have become. It's like they've stepped into one of those circus mirrors that warp a person's image. Some parts have been magnified, and others have shrunk. I think about how incredibly nice it is to have them by my side despite all their flaws and differences. It's like the old times again. It gives me a sense of security that Mother and Father never offered.

Mostly though, I think about Zuko. Chubby-cheeked Zuko, the first time he smiled at me. Vulnerable sensitive Zuko, crying when Lady Ursa disappeared. Lonely twelve year old Zuko, with bandages cover his face, begging me to go him on the steel ship. And the mysterious shadow-Zuko that exists now. The Zuko that I'm not sure if I know anymore. I think about Zuko, and though I feel like a complete idiot, I can't help wondering if he thinks about me too.


End file.
